Sending best wishes to Arfa Karim Randhawa

I just learned that Arfa Karim Randhawa, an extraordinary teenager and computer prodigy from Pakistan, had an epileptic seizure and cardiac arrest several weeks ago and is currently in intensive care.

I had the privilege of interviewing her in 2005 and was inspired by her kindness, enthusiasm, and confidence. I'm so sad to hear this news, and am sending prayers and good thoughts to her, her family, and the doctors who are caring for her. May her healing be quick, simple, and complete.

Update 1/20/12: I have been away from the news for a few days and just heard the news that Arfa passed away on the 14th at the age of 16. The world lost a great light when it lost Arfa. My deepest condolences to her family and friends.

Beyoncé and birth

My Facebook feed today is dotted with outrage over Beyoncé renting a full hospital floor for $1.6 million to give birth. (Note that most people complain about Beyoncé alone, tripping right into the most stereotypical oversight about birth -- that it's all the woman's responsibility and fault.)

The conversation threads begin by decrying conspicuous consumption, but most of them dissolve into sexist name calling, which is also telling. Is it that people are upset at unequal distribution of wealth? Or are they pissed off that a powerful black woman has so much of it?

My take is certainly influenced by a recent woman in labor myself. I imagine that their decision has less to do with flaunting wealth than it does with safety and the dangers that come with celebrity and fame. If I were Beyoncé, I wouldn't have felt safe laboring as if I were a non-celebrity in a regular hospital ward. People do crazy shit around laboring women and famous people, so being both at the same time would just invite all kinds of madness.

Another telling thing - and this is speculation, because I know nothing about their medical needs - is that they didn't just do a home birth to begin with. Hospital birth is so normalized in this country that even wealthy celebrities with access to most any birthing choice in the world STILL chose a hospital birth, likely because they believed that it was the safest option.

Happy Winter Solstice

To the returning light!

To the dance away from and toward the sun!

To the richness of the longest night, and all that keeps us warm within it!

I've had this verse in my head all day. Here it is, with our first solstice spiral. (Thanks, SG Suzi, for the inspiration.)

For the beauty of the earth
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

it will not be simple

Either on the first or last day of our freshman year directing class, our teacher, the inimitable Jim Peck, gave us all a copy of this poem by Adrienne Rich. I think that was the first time I read her words -- the beginning of a deep literary love.

In the years since, this poem has lain gently over several not simple, not long experiences, like a silk cloth over tables of lacquered wood, cold steel, fingerprinted glass.

In the ninth month of my first year of being a mother, I reach into a drawer and touch the rich words of this poem again. I close my eyes with gratitude for their familiar comfort.

These words apply to anything worth doing fully. Directing, writing, loving, mothering. All of it.

Final Notations

Adrienne Rich

it will not be simple, it will not be long
it will take little time, it will take all your thought
it will take all your heart, it will take all your breath
it will be short, it will not be simple

it will touch through your ribs, it will take all your heart
it will not be long, it will occupy your thought
as a city is occupied, as a bed is occupied
it will take all your flesh, it will not be simple

You are coming into us who cannot withstand you
you are coming into us who never wanted to withstand you
you are taking parts of us into places never planned
you are going far away with pieces of our lives

it will be short, it will take all your breath
it will not be simple, it will become your will

Jay Smooth from ill Doctrine at TEDx

Since it was posted three years ago, I've shared and talked about Jay Smooth's "How To Tell People They Sound Racist" video with others many times. (His core suggestion is to shift from "you're racist!" to "what you said was racist," which is much more conducive to discussion and growth.)

Last month, he expanded on his thesis in a TEDx talk titled "How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Discussing Race." It's 11 minutes of funny and smart ideas about how to talk about race in ways that enrich rather than polarize.

My favorite parts:

The first thing is that anytime we’re dealing with race issues, we are dealing with a social construct that was not born out of any science or reason or logic, we are grappling with a social construct that was not designed to make sense. And to the extent that it is the product of design, the race constructs that we live in in America were shaped specifically by a desire to avoid making sense. They were shaped for centuries by a need to rationalize and justify indefensible acts.

So when we grapple with race issues, we’re grappling with something that was designed for centuries to make us circumvent our best instincts. It’s a dance partner that’s designed to trip us up. So just based on that alone we should be able to keep in mind that you will never bat a thousand when it comes to dealing with race issues.

and

And in general I think we need to move away from the premise that being a good person is a fixed, immutable characteristic, and shift towards seeing being good as a practice, and it is a practice that we carry out by engaging with our imperfections. We need to shift from, we need to shift toward thinking of being a good person the same way we think of being a clean person. Being a clean person is something that you maintain and work on every day. We don’t assume that I’m a clean person therefore I don’t need to brush my teeth. And when someone suggests to us that we’ve got something stuck in our teeth, we don’t say “Wh-what do you mean? I have something stuck in my teeth? I’m a clean person! Why would you--” [Audience laughter]

So I know that this is no small task, but if we could shift a little bit closer, toward viewing these race conversations the same way we view a conversation about something stuck in our teeth, it would go a long way toward making our conversations a bit smoother and allow us to work together on bigger issues around race.