Facing the Shadows

It's really bad. Today, Obama compared the BP oil spill to September 11th. 325 dead sea turtles, 41 dead dolphins. How many homes lost? How much permanent damage to our planet?

I hear from friends who wake up depressed, whose hearts break every time they turn on the news, who are secretly grateful that they've lived most of their lives already. Like most of you, I feel sick when I see photos of dead, oil-soaked wildlife, or when I think of the human lives lost in the initial explosion, of the jobs and homes and ecosystems being destroyed as I type this.

In moments like these -- and in a wide world of so many people, it is always a tragic moment somewhere -- I dive into the big questions: What can I do? How can I step toward light when there is so much darkness? How can I savor the good in my life in the face of such evil?

I think of the true and comforting quotes about the power of small things having great effects, or daily action taken with love. I believe them, I really do. But sometimes, I can't get to the hope without feeling the despair first. There is real death and loss here, and I know I can't will them out of existence.

I make small changes. I draw a two-mile circle around my home and commit to biking anywhere in that radius. I investigate Austin's GreenChoice energy program. I eat local fruits and vegetables. I look at Shutter Sisters' list of ways to help.

But sometimes, the magnitude is crushing. Sometimes you just have to weep.